A Civil Union? Yeah Right!

In case you’d missed it via Twitter or Facebook, my mammies got a civil partnership over in New Zealand on Monday the 4th January. It was a wonderful ceremony, with speeches from a brother, a sister in law, a mother and close friends. We had lots of our nearest and dearest there and would like to thank everyone who came along. So, this brief post is to post people to the photos that I have taken of the day (and the night or two before it). The set is available on Flickr (for free viewing, obviously), here. I’ll create a group at some point, for all of the photos of the event. Have a look, make comments and ask for more photos. These are the better ones (In my opinion anyway) but there are another 200+. Anyway, enjoy and take care everyone.

 

And So A Group is Formed

Last Saturday I participated in a research group. It was a kind of focus group. There was one thing that made it special: all the people there were the sons or daughters of lesbians or gay people. I’ll admit, I was excited. So we did the workshop, which was an open discussion about our families and our experiences of being the children of and in the LGBT community. It was really interesting listening to people talking about their families and there was a great positivity to the group.

So the pieces fell in place and, as one might expect, we decided to create a group of sorts. This is going to be a long-term project. We plan on setting up a support, information, advocacy and campaign group for children of LGBT parents. We’ll have a website, Facebook, Twitter and all that jazz. Sound like a bit of fun, or something you’d like to get involved in? Leave a comment or drop me an e-mail (conorpendergrast[at]gmail[dot]com).

But why would you need a group like this?

One theme that emerged from the group was a feeling of being a bit of an outsider. For me,  as a kid, there were times when I felt like a bit of a weirdo, having two mammies (of course, it occurred to me that there are very few ‘normal’ families out there). Having a bit of support in place could make life a lot easier for other children like us.  Knowing that there are plenty of people out there with two mums or two dads can make a big difference.

[Edit: Props to MarriagEquality for organising the event]

 

I’d like to blog…

… but I’m quite busy at university. I’m going to blog interesting stuff about my research project once it properly gets under way but for now here’s a notice of two events:

• GLEN are holding an information session on the Civil Partnership Bill this Wednesday (7th October) in the Westbury Hotel (Grafton St.) at 8pm. As they say:

The aim of these events is to inform people about what is in the Civil Partnership Bill and to discuss what it will mean practically for lesbian and gay couples. Dr Fergus Ryan, Head of DIT’s Law Department, will provide a detailed account of the Civil Partnership Bill.

Contact them for more details: http://www.glen.ie/

• MarriagEquality are also holding a workshop for adult children (18 years old +) of same-sex couples, to “share their experiences and opinions on growing up with LGBT parents” on November 21st. I’ll be there and if anyone else wants to be, call Dawn on 01 6599 459 or email dawn@marriagequality.ie. For more information see this page.

I’ll be back again more regularly soon.

– Conor

 

Sons and Daughters

Well, last week was a lot of fun. I had 1001 hits on the website and got my (heavily edited) letter in the Sunday Times, as well appearing on Matt Cooper‘s show on Thursday with Brenda Power (audio here – mp3, 5.3mb). I read Brenda’s second opinion piece and don’t think I’ll comment on it further than what I’ve already Tweeted – It’s an opinion piece that is not based in fact and she appears to have some sort of obsession with the idea that marriage is purely for reproductive purposes. As I said:

“To have and to hold, is sickness and in health, til you die from exhaustion having given birth to 8 children.”

The past week and Damien’s post got me thinking – we need a louder voice of children of LGBT couples in Ireland. So, here we go. If you are the son or daughter of a LGBT couple and would like to maybe do a joint blog, with the chance of radio, TV, newspaper, blog interviews (depending on how comfortable you would be with them) please e-mail conorpendergrast@gmail.com, or add me on Twitter and DM me. Or sure just leave a comment here 🙂

Inevitably there’ll be cases after the Civil Partnership Bill is brought in that highlight the massive problems with neglecting children in legislation. This’ll be our chance to stand up for our own rights and demonstrate how lesbian and gay parents are equally capable of raising well-adjusted and emotionally and socially stable individuals. Here’s the American Psychological Association’s policy on sexual orientation and parenting (And no Brenda, it’s not a single study. You can find similar policies but children’s groups across the US, but because of the relative rarity of cases in Ireland and even the UK, there are fewer studies here).

 

Civil Partnership Bill: Inheritence

Following on from yesterday’s article in the Independent, my parents and I are doing a radio interview on the Today with Pat Kenny on RTÉ Radio One tomorrow morning, at 10am. I’ve been looking into the Civil Partnership Bill more, and have come to realise how much it leaves out, specifically in terms of children and inheritence. The Irish Council for Civil Liberties‘ review of the Heads of Bill has really helped with this, spelling out what it means in a very clear way.

So, how does the Bill fail children of same-sex couples in terms of inheritance? Well, firstly the child does not have any legal right to an automatic claim from the estate of the non-biological parent in the case of her/ his death.  Secondly, and equally as importantly, even if the child is provided for in a will, the child does not appear to be considered to be a relative of the person, and as such is subject to the same inheritance tax levels as a stranger. To articulate this properly, according to the Irish Revenue Commissioners’ website a non-biological son or daughter of a same-sex partner would be able to inherit tax-free up to €23,908, compared with a biological son or daughter’s threshold of €478,155. In this way, I would agree with Fergus Ryan’s statement on Newstalk that “families with children are placed in a very vulnerable position”.

 

Submission to Department of Justice regarding the Civil Partnership Bill

The following is a letter I wrote to the Department of Justice regarding the Heads of Civil Partnership Bill. It was printed in the letters page of the Irish Times on 30th July 2008.

Madam, – I am a 22-year-old man, living in Dublin and studying psychology in UCD. I was born in London, and have been living in Ireland for the past 13 years. I have a younger brother, Daragh, and two loving parents. My parents have been in a relationship for 28 years, since they were students.

In many ways my family are very regular; we have family dinners, we go to museums and we help each other out when the need arises. However, one detail leads to our family being treated dramatically differently. My parents are a lesbian couple called Ann and Bernadette, and in spite of their strong 28-year relationship, they are effectively treated as second-class citizens. I was conceived using sperm from a donor; there was no sexual relationship between Ann and the man who donated sperm, and I consider both Ann and Bernadette to be my parents, and both to be my mothers.

In many ways our family is lucky; my parents’ relationship is healthy, neither of them has been seriously ill and we have not experienced major misfortunes. However, if this had not been the case, and the family unit had broken apart, there would have been significant and unfair legal and financial difficulties regarding both custody and access to us, their children, and regarding passing money and property to us. As Bernadette is not my biological mother, there would have been a particular issue for her. Even now, with both Daragh and myself being adults, we are denied inheritance and succession rights to Bernadette’s property and wealth.

I am very pleased that the Government has begun the process of recognising my parents’ same-sex relationship, and that their relationship will be given legal recognition for the first time. This will provide them with security for the future, as well as provisions for inheritance, succession, etc.

However, as a son of a same-sex couple, I am very concerned that the Heads of Bill do not provide for them as parents. Neglecting this area leaves my family in an extremely vulnerable position, and I would be left vulnerable should anything happen to Ann, my biological parent.

The complexity of this area requires that a delicate approach be taken, but I urge the Government to provide the means of extending the rights and responsibilities of biological parents to non-biological parents. Bernadette is my mother, in emotional, financial and caring terms. This needs to be recognised by the Government, and provisions be put in place for the protection of children brought up in the same context.

Not providing legal recognition for Bernadette as my mother leads to many problems. If I were to be admitted to hospital, she would not have the right to visit me as her son. She would not need to be consulted or informed of any medical decisions made. Similarly, should she be in such a situation I would not have the right to be consulted either. There are no provisions for inheritance either; in the event of her death she could not leave me anything as a family member, and as such it would be subject to unfair inheritance tax. From a social point of view, not recognising her status as my mother is simply fuelling the stigma that same-sex relationships and parents are second to heterosexual parents, an idea not supported by vast amounts of research. It is for these reasons that I urge the Government to take into account families like mine, who are not currently given the protection and respect by the State they deserve, and the children of same-sex couples who need to be protected by the Civil Partnership Bill. – Yours, etc,

CONOR PENDERGRAST, Stillorgan, Co Dublin.

Feel free to contact me: conorpendergrast@gmail.com