Frontline – July 5th 2010

As you may or may not know, yesterday’s Frontline (a weekly current affairs programme on RTÉ One, hosted by Pat Kenny) concentrated on the family. A fairly broad topic, but it allowed for plenty of healthy and heated debate. If you haven’t seen it yet, you can watch it again on RTÉ Player here. I watched it again last night after we got home.

There are some parts of the programme that were amazingly frustrating. This naive and romantic idea of the mam and dad happily married is bizarre to say the least. Without doubt the majority of families were very happy and and just the typical range of problems, but being married doesn’t necessarily make you a) happy or b) a great parent.

Anyway, to address three parts of yesterday evening (I don’t think I could ever get time to address everything I want to address). My own family story starts at about 27mins 30 secs (Let’s be honest, you’re only watching it again to see my pretty face 😉 )

First, Pat mentioned registering guardianship as a possible idea for creating a legal bond of sorts between Daragh, Bernadette (as our non-biological mother) and myself. In England, perhaps, but not in Ireland – such a concept doesn’t exist here.

Second, David Quinn was asked, by Pat, “What about Conor and his family there? The lads turned out, as far as I know, splendidly, they are well-balanced people. They lived in a happy, family situation for the best part of 30 years, I don’t know how old the lads are. You know it kind of runs counter to your whole argument” (around 31mins in). David responds by talking about gay adoption. Now, either by ignorance or by intent he appears to have missed a pretty crucial point; Daragh and I weren’t adopted. Two men donated sperm to Ann, who used artifical insemination to impregnate herself. No adoption there, no daddy there, no heterosexual relationship there. I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt and assume her didn’t hear Ann refer to herself as the biological parent of both Daragh and myself. Maybe I’ll bring a family tree next time.

Third, this idee of an opt-out for registrars who have a “conscientious objection” to a gay or lesbian couple registering a civil partnership is absolutely ludicrous. You don’t see a car salesman being permitted to not sell cars to gay people, or lesbians, or black people, or Polish people, or Catholics, or Protestants, or a person with a physical disability or anything else covered by equality legislation. If you are a registrar, employed by the State and paid for by the people of Ireland, then do your damn job or quit. If it’s that much of a problem, fuck off to somewhere that you won’t have to be bothered by gay people, or women wearing trousers. Guh.

Finally, that guy talking about the debate not being about equality and… “certain acts”. Oh my. Please, get your mind out of the bedroom. His point of “sexual acts between two people of the opposite sex, that’s how we all came into the world”. Oh dear, mate. No. Let me introduce myself and my brother. I’ve already outlined how we were conceived, so I’ll spare you the details. The laughs in the background exemplify the reaction to him anyway.

But damn, I think he exposed The Gay Agenda. In the sexy way.

Anyway, thanks for the kind words on Twitter and Facebook.

All the best,

Conor

 

Open Letter to Brenda Power

Dear Brenda,

I read with a heavy heart your article in the Sunday Times on 5th July and felt it necessary to respond in order to dispel the notions that you used to form your argument against allowing same-sex couples to be considered to adopt children in this state. Your concern for the rights of children in Ireland is admirable, but your arguments, ironically, serve only to stigmatise children of same-sex partners. As the sons of a lesbian couple who have been together for nearly thirty years, my brother and I are more than aware of one of the criteria in particular you specify in the adoption process; “the likelihood of social acceptance of the child”. My parents are not (yet) in a legally recognised relationship. According to the law, I am no more than a stranger to my non-biological mother, Bernadette.

Not allowing gay couples to be considered as adoptive parents and not recognising their relationships as marriage is not only inequality, it’s social stigmatisation. You are essentially stating: “You’re relationship is not as valid as a heterosexual relationship. You are of less value to society. You’re family and children ought to be treated differently.” This, in effect, teaches us that children of same-sex partners are not socially acceptable. The irony, you must see, is that by denying these couples the right to be considered to adopt because their children might not be accepted socially, you are deciding by default that children of same-sex couples should not be accepted socially.

Yours sincerely,

Conor Pendergrast

[I also sent this to the editor of the Sunday Times. If anyone has an e-mail address for Brenda, I’d appreciate if you could comment and let me know what it is. The article itself can be found here, with Panti’s response here.]