Ernie: “Hey Bert.”

Bert: “Hey Ernie.”

E: “Say, Bert, how long have we known each other?”

B: “Well I don’t know Ernie, maybe 30 years?”

E: “Yeah, I guess so Bert. Say, we’ve become pretty close in that time Bert.”

B: “Well yeah Ernie… I guess we have”

E: “Em, Bert,you know the way we’ve been sharing a room all these years?”

B: “Yeah Ernie”

E: “Well, why was that? Cause, you know, I didn’t think we’d have to share a share like back at the beginning of the show, when the producers were trying to cut every cent”

B: “I donno Ernie, why do you always ask me these questions, I just don’t know!”

E: “Well, eh Bert, eh. Say, have you seen the Wizard of Oz…”

 

Finally.

 

Jesus was like today’s vampire movies

I was at the L&H’s god debate last night, where the motion put was “That this house believes it is rational to believe in god” (well, according to some of the speakers anyway). I got home to find an e-mail in my inbox (well, several, but one of particular interest). Evidently Herself had found a Boards.ie thread about Jesus, the man himself. So, without further delay, I give you a list of characters who appears before Christianity and the common characteristics –

Gautama Buddha: born of the virgin Maya around 600 BC

Dionysus: Greek god, born of a virgin in a stable, turned water into wine.

Quirrnus: An early Roman saviour, born of a virgin

Attis: born of a virgin Nama in Phrygia around 200 BC

Indra: born of a virgin in Tibet around 700 BC

Adonis: Babylonian god, born of the virgin Ishtar

Krishna: Hindu deity, born of a virgin Devaki in around 1200 BC

Zoroaster: born of a virgin 1500-1200 BC

Mithra: born of a virgin in a stable on the 25th of December around 600 BC. His resurrection was celebrated at Easter.

Y’know, if I were writing a story about a guy I knew and wanted to make him seem like a kick-ass super-deity, I reckon I’d steal loads of these characteristics too.

So, just like we’ve seen a stack of vampire movies aimed at teenagers since Twilight came out, we also see a copycat effect of all those “deities” that preceded the character of Jesus. Dude, what a cheat! I mean, if you’re going to copy stuff from your predecessors, at least a) Don’t get caught and b) Make it something deadly that you steal! I mean, he could’ve chosen to shoot fireballs out of his ears or throw lightening bolts… but a virgin birth? Ok, turning water into wine is a fantastic party trick, but not very good at getting you out of stick situations.

So, what I’m saying is, this Jesus guy (or the guys who made up a story about some poor shmuck, who just had a couple of good ideas about being nice to each other, then turned it into an all-controlling tyrannical organisation) really should’ve made some better career moves. Out with the virgin birth, in with the fireballs.