Dear Brenda,

I read with a heavy heart your article in the Sunday Times on 5th July and felt it necessary to respond in order to dispel the notions that you used to form your argument against allowing same-sex couples to be considered to adopt children in this state. Your concern for the rights of children in Ireland is admirable, but your arguments, ironically, serve only to stigmatise children of same-sex partners. As the sons of a lesbian couple who have been together for nearly thirty years, my brother and I are more than aware of one of the criteria in particular you specify in the adoption process; “the likelihood of social acceptance of the child”. My parents are not (yet) in a legally recognised relationship. According to the law, I am no more than a stranger to my non-biological mother, Bernadette.

Not allowing gay couples to be considered as adoptive parents and not recognising their relationships as marriage is not only inequality, it’s social stigmatisation. You are essentially stating: “You’re relationship is not as valid as a heterosexual relationship. You are of less value to society. You’re family and children ought to be treated differently.” This, in effect, teaches us that children of same-sex partners are not socially acceptable. The irony, you must see, is that by denying these couples the right to be considered to adopt because their children might not be accepted socially, you are deciding by default that children of same-sex couples should not be accepted socially.

Yours sincerely,

Conor Pendergrast

[I also sent this to the editor of the Sunday Times. If anyone has an e-mail address for Brenda, I'd appreciate if you could comment and let me know what it is. The article itself can be found here, with Panti's response here.]